I just got done with 24 hours of prayer at ABS. We decided to try and have one person praying at ABS every hour for a full day. While we didn’t quite accomplish our goal, the overall experience was a great one! I can’t wait to upload all my pictures from it!
And then the prayer day ended. It seems like the second I stepped out of the doors at ABS to go home I had this seething anger inside of me. I had given a girl permission to park her car on the ABS property until midnight (it was close to 1am when I left ABS), so as I was leaving I drove down to the back to check to make sure her car was gone. It wasn’t. I felt taken advantage of. I felt used, and we were used. We were used because the house party she was going to was semi-close and they’re parking was already full. Y’all I was mad. So I left a note. Nothing nasty, just that she needed to move her car because she was on private property and only had permission to park there until midnight.
After this little jaunt, I drive back up to the front because Tyler insisted on following me home. When I told him I would prefer going last so I could check the mail he told me that he would check it, if he remembered. Y’all, we live <5 minutes from the ABS House, probably less than 3 at 1am with no traffic. There was that anger again. He volunteered to check the mail so he could follow me home (which was all ridiculously nice- in a right mind I would have been thankful for this), but thinks he might forget in the 2 milliseconds it takes to actually get home? Are you kidding me? And then the thought goes through my mind, “This is why I just do things myself”.
Y’all I am so ashamed of that thought and the anger that was washing over me. I’m currently sitting in our living room crying and typing while Tyler gets ready for bed (by my request). The prayer experience was such a wonderful thing! Tyler and I even found time to pray together for our future and some very dear friends and family that were on our hearts. The mountain top was so beautiful and awe-inspiring! But then I started back down the mountain and the devil struck. I allowed Satan to bully his way into my tired mind and to make mountains out of molehills. Now the girl that parked at ABS, maybe I could be a little upset about it, but being mad at Tyler for trying to look our for me? I have no right.
Now I’m bawling in my living room pouring out my heart on this blog because that’s what I do when I’m upset: blog and pray, & pray and blog. *Side note: My cat literally just ran down the stairs and then hit the door stop thing (the one that makes the spring noise when you hit it) and scared the tar out of himself!* I’m reminded that God is still good. And as silly as it is, Benson scaring himself gave me something to laugh at and broke the tension in my mind and heart. No matter how high up the spiritual mountain I climb, I will always have to come back down the other side (at least this side of Heaven I will). I have to remember that when the mountain turns into a avalanche that I still have to trust in God. I am reminded of the verse, “Submit to the Lord. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” [James 4:7, paraphrased]. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen War Room twice in the last 24 hours that this verse pops into my head, but maybe it’s also because that’s exactly what I should be doing. Instead of just allowing things to happen to me, emotions included, maybe I should start being proactive about it. Maybe I need to start playing offense and not just defense. So I’m going to start with a strategy, a strategy that I talked about in a previous post, but will now actually will start using.
But for tonight, I will leave you with this- if you’re coming off of a spiritual mountain too you’re not alone. I’m right there with you, and if you want a little extra encouragement, check out 1 Kings 19 about Elijah. No spoilers, but after he defeats some prophets of Baal in a huge miraculous event (chapter 18), he flees and begs God to take his life. The bible is full of spiritual celebrities that come off the mountain feeling less than, feeling defeated, and ultimately letting their emotions get the best of them.
Tonight my prayer is this: that we take “Submit to the Lord. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” as a life motto. That we remember that the devil has already been defeated! Jesus has crushed his skull and there will be no life left in him soon enough. Until the time of his complete defeat, I pray that we Submit only to the Lord, not to our emotions; that we resist the devil because we are a chose race and a royal priesthood- we are children of the one true King; and that we remember God is living inside of us if we are his and that’s enough to make even the biggest rotten devil helpers flee. God is enough, and He has already won.