So this weekend I’m at a girls conference with some of my church girls. I’m not gonna lie, this weekend has been rough. I haven’t seen my husband in over a week (yay busy lives), I miss my bed, I miss my home, and I miss just being me with no other responsibilities.
But for as many conferences as I’ve gone to in my life, this is one of the best. I’ve learned more about myself and my calling in a conference designed for Middle and High School girls.
I felt so awesome last night about what I was doing in life. I finally felt secure about ABS, my CalFay girls, and my walk with God. And then I got back to the hotel.
After I got the girls settled, I walked outside and called my hubby. And I had a complete and total meltdown. I literally told him “God doesn’t know what he’s doing. This is too hard, it can’t be right.” And bless his heart, he just let me talk it through and told me what I already knew (because I had heard it less than 2 hours before at the conference)- I am burdened for this. I have been called to this. A calling is where your talents (your God-given birthrights) and your burdens (the thing that broke your heart) collide.
My birthright is being able to relate to kids (possibly because I am totally still one). God has given me a heart for girls from tiny to college. My burden is what happened to my daddy. I put what my parents went through on myself- I grew up too quickly and tried to handle things on my own because I thought that was what I could control. I thought if I could control something and help by doing then things would be easier. Who knows, maybe they were easier for me, but I have some long term scars from trying to take on too much too quickly that have shaped who I am becoming.
What the Devil used to hurt me, God used for good in the long run. Because of my experiences, I have a specific set of skills that most people don’t. I recognize how cruel life can be and am surprisingly patient when things go wrong (not always, but around kids I am) because I recognize what’s important in life.
So after my break down I realized something. I am exactly where God wants me to be. God knit me together knowing I would be in a hotel hallway in Brentwood, TN on Feb 19, 2016 crying my eyes out because I felt so insecure, so unprepared, so negative about what I was doing. God gave me the skills needed to start on this journey, and He will provide the rest of the way.