Last Monday I met with the trustees of ABS and I was voted on. Now, I am the type of person that has interviewed for everything I possibly could, just for practice so I tend to not be too nervous. But this interview was different, even though I felt like it was definitely a God thing that this internship was even an option for me I felt like I was very unprepared (and not just for the interview). Putting a girl that has a slight (ok, a little more than slight) dislike of praying in front of people in a position of leadership in a student ministry seems to me like a terrible idea. I couldn’t help wondering if God was setting me up for failure to teach me a lesson (and don’t tell me God doesn’t do that every now and then). The more I prayed and talked to Tyler about this opportunity, I began to have a change in my thinking- instead of the fear of “what if” and “why me” I started thinking “use me” and “push me”. If God’s plan is for me to fail so that I can know him better, bring on the failure! If God’s plan is to strengthen my faith through various avenues at ABS, then let’s do it! I’ve spent my four years of college feeling like I’ve been chasing God trying to read my bible, trying to remember to pray, trying to be a good bible study attender but my heart was in none of it. In reality He was chasing me. In reality, I needed to realize that I had already failed him, I can never live up to what he’s done for me and I can never save myself no matter how much I try. He chose to save me despite my pride, despite my stubbornness, and despite my sin! Because he chose to give up his life for me, the least I can do is serve him in whatever means I can.
Last Sunday we were talking about Jesus as Savior. And he is. He is my Savior, he is my Friend. Above both of those though, he is my Lord. I am making a conscious effort to follow God wherever he leads me. Four years ago, he lead me to the UofA Poultry Science Department which was great because that was my plan! But for a reason that I may not know this side of Heaven, he is now changing my path. Although it would be so much easier to continue my path and do what I want, I can’t. He has given me the desires of my heart before I even knew they were there.
Even in the midst of crisis, he has blessed me beyond belief. He has given me hope, peace, comfort, wisdom (although some of you will disagree with that last one), but above all, He’s given me Life in the face of death. One of the greatest gifts I will ever receive was my dad saying he wanted to meet Jesus and he wanted to go to Heaven and not stay sick on this earth anymore. I truly believe that was a gift from God, a desire from my heart to know that my dad believed in the Truth and that even though he died, I know I will see him again. I haven’t lost my dad, I know that he is in Heaven praising God with everything he has and that is more than I could’ve ever asked for.
Because of all these things and so much more- I am choosing to trust that God knows my heart better than I do. I am choosing to trust that God can see the other side of the tapestry and while I can only see Chaos and loose threads, he can see a beautiful picture forming. A picture that will hopefully always glorify Him.